Purse snatcher and snitch
[page 93, line 17]
Moving right along. I would like to welcome the ladies that are here this evening because when the fraternity — when the lodge gets together, the Masons, we — I get awfully tired of the same old, tired, old, ugly men’s faces every day. It is nice to see something refreshing, pretty young ladies’ faces here with us this evening, and I’d like to thank you and welcome you all here this evening. I do want to give some bad news to the gentleman here though. And the bad news is this, gentlemen: The ladies have it all over us. I’ve listened to every story this evening. I’m going to tell you some war stories. This is from the intake end of the law enforcement — of the criminal justice system, what we see on the streets. The ladies have it all over us. They are infinitely smarter. Just reflect back over some of the stories we’ve heard this evening. They all involve men doing what? Something absolutely stupid or asinine. Aren’t they? Hasn’t that been about 95 percent of the stories? It starts young, and we can’t help it.
Gentlemen, it’s time to thin the herd. We’ve got to look at the gene pool, and some people just need to start thinking about thinning the herd. It starts with us young. The first — the first problem we see is the slow learners. We see slow learners in society. All these are true stories; I experienced them. I was there; these are first hand stories.
We had an individual one day, no big — no big case. Probably didn’t enter the criminal justice system, eventually entered the juvenile justice system. He was a purse-snatcher, stole a lady’s purse, ran off. The lady got a good description of him, saw which way he ran and even saw which house he ran into. You know, real Sherlock Holmes for the young police officer that I was, go up knock on the door. A young man answers the door. He fits the description. “Where’s the purse?” He tells us. He’s in cuffs. We bring him to Juvenile, me and my partner.
The young man was a slow learner. He’s going to be — he’s a little bit arrogant and cocky. And we get him down to Juvenile. He says, “Yeah, you got me, but you guys ain’t so smart. My brother was in the house, and he’s wanted for aggravated robbery.” Yeah, you’re right; we’re not very smart at all.
The juvenile detectives hang on to him for a few minutes. We go back to the house and — (knocking) — his older brother opens the door. “Can I help you?” “Yeah. What’s your name?” He tells us. He was wanted for aggravated robbery and burglary. And so we took him off. Gave him to a couple of other officers; they booked him in. Go back to start booking in the juvenile for the purse-snatching because the other one was just warrants. Now we have to make reports.
We tell the young man, “Hey, thanks for that tip. Now your brother is in jail too.” Slow learner. “You guys think you’re so smart, huh? You’re never going to catch my dad. He’s the one that’s really wanted out of the family.” Well, we went down and pulled up Dad’s name and rap sheet, and he was wanted. We never did find him around that house; we looked for two years.
Two years go by. The young man — slow learner, slow learner — he also had committed a rape, and then we brought down his character witnesses because we had arrested him earlier when he was a young career criminal. And we’re sitting there and guess who shows up for his trial. Yeah, his dad showed up for trial. And Dad was still wanted, and we took Daddy away in cuffs.
And the attorney was a little bit upset, and he said, “Well, you don’t understand, you don’t understand. I’ve got him here under subpoena. You can’t take him away; I have a subpoena for him. We said, “Well, he’ll just be right across the street in the courthouse — or in the jailhouse over there, and we can get him whenever you want.”
But I’m telling you man, we need to thin the herd. We’re slower learners, and it starts young. That young man — well, he was a little bit upset too when he saw his daddy go in cuffs. We reminded him that he’s the one who put us on. He’s probably the best informant we ever had.